Really. I don’t want him.
I don’t want to date him, to fall in love with him, to marry him. I don’t even acknowledge his presence when we happen to run into each other at the grocery store.
No coy, knowing smiles, even when you’re not there. No sly winks.
In fact, if he’s careless enough or you’re clue in enough to figure out that he’s cheating, and he comes running to me, he’ll find no solace. I won’t let him sleep on my couch, I won’t pat him on the shoulder and tell him it’ll be okay. And if you confront me with this new-found knowledge, I’ll deny he exists.
I’ve never seen him, I’ve never heard his name, and I sure as hell have never slept with him.
He’s your problem, honey. Not mine.
But that doesn’t really matter in my book. If he wants sex with me, he has to wear a condom. Doesn’t matter to me if it’s oral, vaginal, or anal sex.
No condom, no sex.
And yes, I’m fully aware condoms are not 100%. I’m also on birth-control, but not even for a second would I consider telling him that.
You see, your husband is a proven liar and cheater. He’s told me countless times that he is clean, that you are clean, that he’s not having sex with you anymore (except, you know, that one time, that one weekend, but no, of course, he didn’t enjoy it!).
I don’t trust him, really neither should you.
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his cheek. “I assume,” she snarled, “that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in at six o’clock in the morning?”
"There is." he replied, "Breakfast."
There’s this saying, “All’s fair in love and war.” To even up the battlefield, I’ll share a few tips on how to tell if your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on you.
1. He (this is usually a male tell) is withdrawing/carrying more cash than normal. Essentially, he’s avoiding putting things on a credit/debit card that will tell you exactly where he’s spending his money.
2. He or she is uninterested or less interested in sex with you. Plain and simple.
3. He or she questions how long you will be gone when you’re out of the house beyond your normal routine. He’s also become extremely inflexible with his own plans. (I don’t tolerate tardiness.)
4. Work has suddenly started asking for more hours, but he doesn’t want to talk about work or go into detail about what he’s working on. Unless your partner is a CIA agent, you’ve been dutifully warned.
5. His or her personal appearance becomes sharper. Better manscaping, nicer lingerie, crisper appearance, cologne/perfume use increases. Be on the look-out if he joins a gym or she starts wearing heels again.
It’s far too intimate. I’m not trying to make your husband fall in love with me (in fact, it’s the last thing I want). Men’s emotions are just as much affected by sex as a woman’s (though, you’ll rarely hear them admit it), and the added intimacy of cuddling is often pushing the envelope too far.
You know what you get when a man falls in love? Love-making. Tender sweet sex full of gentle stroking and spiritual connections.
You know what that’s the exact opposite of what I want? Love-making. Tender sweet sex full of gentle stroking and spiritual connections.
I enjoy it when I’m in a relationship. But your husband is a lying, cheating scoundrel, and why on earth would I want that kind of intimacy with him?
Let’s just get one thing clear. I didn’t seek him out.
Your husband came to me with one thing on his mind: You. And how much he didn’t want you physically.
This isn’t a justification, or an excuse. These are simply the facts of an affair that was bound to happen.
I have no idea what your name is, you’re simply, “The Wife.” I have no emotions towards you or him, no sympathy for his sex life with you, no sympathy that he’s breaking vows to you by fucking me.
For me, this is all about the physical needs and how he satisfies them. I’m a busy career-oriented woman, and I don’t have time for a relationship of nearly any kind. And the ‘friends with benefits’ deal never seems to work out. I’ve tried. They always fall in love.
We meet Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after you leave for work. We have sex on your couch, on your dining room table, on your bed, on the guest bed. Sometimes on the stairs if we can’t make it to a bed.